hi, I want to thank people for the tremendous interest in my twitters and this blog over the weekend. As a result I think it is a good time to explain what this blog is about.
I am an abuse survivor and a clinical psychologist. I have been extremely fortunate to have been able to be quite successful in moving through the clouds and into clearer skies. However, everyday I am surrounded by more examples of abuse whether it is child, spousal, sexual, emotional, or workplace abuse. I find people in many different stages of being able to cope with it and move on. I encounter new abuse scenarios personally on a regualar basis and often to need to say ‘no’ to abuse. Yes, I can be a bit of a crusader in this regard.
This blog is about a few things. First lets talk frankly about abuse, it’s impact and more importantly how we move on to healthy relationships with ourselves and others. To often we think that abuse is something that we just need ‘to get over’. From my personal and clinical perspective it just does not work that way. We always have something new to learn about ourselves as we challenge ourselves to be the best of who we can be. I am more concerned when an abuse survivor thinks there is not more to learn because often that suggests they may be vulnerable to more abuse.
Let’s talk about the positive things we learn about our selves as well as the challenges that we experience. Perhaps others can share something that worked for them.
I often find myself saying that I wish I could change abuse that happened to someone I am working with but I can’t. I go on to say that you can choose to lead a healthy productive life. It may mean walking through some pain to get there but you can do it. This blog is about people walking together on that journey to a healthier place.
This blog is not about ‘woe is me’. It is about survivors and celebrating the resiliency of the human spirit. It is not about blaming abusers nor excusing them. It is about just talking about what is. I will never mention names or identifying locations as I discuss my own experiences. I would ask that as you write you do the same. More often I will pull out questions or thoughts about overall themes.
It is about learning from our experiences so that we do not find ourselves repeating the scenario. Unfortunately often people repeat patterns. By learning about ourselves hopefully we can prevent that and share our knowledge with others at the same time.
Abuse regularly travels through generations passed from one abused generation to the next. This blog is about trying to stop that.
It is about providing encouragement to others as they walk through their own clouds and showing through stories that there can be sunny days ahead.
It is about working to stop abuse in all its forms.
This blog is not ‘therapy’. I am writing as an abuse survivor who has thought a lot about it and not from a clinical perspective (although my training and experience certainly colours my thoughts).
I hope that as you join me on my journey of learning that you will also find yourself learning about yourself.
I also hope that you will join me often so it can be a discussion and not a monologue.
I’d love your feed back as we go. Tell me what is of interest, what is not, what helps, what does not, etc.
Marjorie
I am an abuse survivor with 8 books and a powerful story that inspires all who need strength and a will to survive.
Welcome! We love reading personal stories of survival! Can you tell us more about your books and where to find them? Joanne
I am a woman who survived a 23-year abusive relationship and found the strength to walk away. I owe many thanks to the people in my life that walked beside me and held me up while walking through the many depths of despair. I owe even more gratitude to all the people in my life that tried to beat me down. Without their many forms of torment I would never have summoned the strength, courage and determination to create new life of love, harmony and joy. In the year 2010 I too wrote an inspiring and powerful e-book for abused women. It is currently available for free on my web site @ http://www.journeytofreedom. Any abused woman is invited to share their story of abuse on my web site also @ http://www.journeytofreedom.ca/your-story/ Links to follow me Facebook or Twitter are also available. THANKS Joanne for letting me share!
I am an Female Indie Music Artist and DV survivor. My new song “In The Dark”(A Song For Battered Women) was written while I was still in a safe shelter in Georgia USA. Now I am raising money through my music for BATTERED WOMEN at Project Safe, Athens, Georgia. It is now on iTunes http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/conscious-earth/id445966829 My backing vocalist Sherri and I both met in the Project Safe shelter in Georgia. You can read my bio for more info and sample my songs from my new E.P. Conscious Earth at http://www.jdsmith-music.com. It’s music with a cause…come and be a part of it! Please spread the word about the music…it will in turn help EMPOWER WOMEN!! Please e-mail me with any promotional ideas for the new song “In The Dark” Thanks-J.D. Smith
If we work together we can build a bridge….if we build a bridge we can help someone to the other side. By J.D. Smith
Hi Joanne,
I stumbled upon your blog today and it’s great what you are trying to do here.
I am a survivor of childhood abuse and domestic violence myself and with my blog I try to break barriers for people to open up. To do whatever’s necessary to remove this cancer that has ruined our childhoods and is ruining plenty of others.
I added your blog to my blogroll, maybe you’d like to do the same for me?
You can name it “Journal of a Male Childhood Abuse Survivor” and link it to: http://prozacblogger.wordpress.com
Thank you so much for standing up and fight!
Sincerely,
– Prozacblogger
Welcome prozacblogger!!!! I have added link to your page! You have a great site! Together we build a community of abuse survivors who can speak our truths about abuse, healing, and stopping it! Joanne
Very glad I found you on twitter and it led me to your blog. I am a survivor of long term childhood abuse. I have been in therapy for 22 years. Most likely I will stay in therapy for the rest of my life because it helps me cope. I am trying to learn to THRIVE! Hope to see you around! I am going to add your page to my blog! Thanks.
Peace,
Nico
Welcome Nico, I hope you add your comments often! I know I am inspired by others’ stories and learn so much each time someone adds a comment! Together we grow as survivors and thrivors! Joanne
Hi Joanne,
Thank you for following me back on twitter . I am a survivor of several years of child abuse, (sexual, physical & mental) and I was a mess when I reached adulthood, low self esteem etc. I made a concious decision that I would not let it affect my children when I had them, which I kept to but the struggle within had been so tough for me as I hadn’t really worked on myself at all. When I did I was in a relationship where I was completely squashed until breaking point where I sought out (finally) therapy (psychotherpy for me) It was such a relief to learn that I did not need to blame myself anymore. I was also introduced to Buddhism by my sister, (with same childhood) which has been amazing for me, as I have been allowed to learn and claim some happiness in my life. I think I will forever be working on myself, as the child that was, still pops in to see me every now and then.
Thanks to you with blogs like this, we can all share and find support, or even find a new family
MusicMaker
Congratulations on your journey out of abuse! It can be a tough journey but think of all you have learned in the process! I hope you join the discussion often! Yes, we can find family….my family has grown over the years with many chosen members. Joanne
Hello Joanne,
I’m also a survivor of abuse. I was sexually abused as a child, drug raped as a teen, physically abused by the father of my child, later raped for ending a relationship and then had a near escape from rape when I broke up with another domestically violent man.
I am now married to a strong, but sensitive man who adores me and is a brilliant father to our children. Currently on a journey down the path of pain in order to get to a healthy and happy life. Feeling optimistic and can play testimony to the resilience of the human spirit.
Follow my story too at http://www.breakintothelight.worpress.com
Take care Joanne x
it is wonderful to meet you. I will check your story out as well! It is so wonderful that us survivors build such an amazing community through our writing! Joanne
Joanne,
Great blog – very inspiring! I believe we’re working on similar issues – ending violence against children through open dialog about recognition, prevention and resources. We’re in preproduction for a feature film about a woman using art therapy as a recovery tool from past abuse. Although we tackle some dark issues, the story focuses on the positive changes that can happen via recovery. Check us out: http://www.kadafilms.com We’re always looking to connect with like-minded people!
Today, I wanted to share with you the first episode I experienced that told me something was really wrong with me. It was 11 years ago while I was at work. I was a receptionist in a nursing home. It was the scariest thing that had ever happened to me. This was the start of my body warning me to break the silence or I would become ill.
Panic
As a woman races around the office ensuring to meet each deadline, she stops in her tracks and experiences a loss of control.
As she spins herself in place, she looks around the room. Her knees become weak and she falls to the ground.
She experiences dizziness, disorientation; her chest seems to be tightening, and as her air is leaving her body, she struggles to breath. As she lies on the floor, she is temporarily paralyzed.
As people rush to her aid, they are talking to her but she cannot hear them.
Suddenly, she feels the air seeping back into her lungs, as she takes a deep breath her heart starts to slow, her chest stops hurting, and her hearing is restored.
She hears a voice ask if she is all right. She replies, “Yes, it was just a panic attack”, as if it was a normal part of everyone’s life.
By: Leslie Raddatz copyrighted 2004 all rights reserved. Published
in The Healing Voice by the Center for Creative Arts and Healing in Syracuse, NY.
Before this I had panic attacks but not this severe. I would have episodes where I would get warm and my heart would beat fast but I would breathe through them and they didn’t last long. I went to the doctor because I thought there was a problem with my heart. He told me know it was just a panic attack from stress so I though it was normal until more and more symptoms started to surface.
What scary symptoms or episodes have you experienced that gave you a clue that something was wrong with you? How long did it take you to seek help?
I am so sorry I didn’t reply I just realized I posted on your website. I have been so busy trying to build all my platforms and get my book published. In the middle of editing it with an editor and author Janell Moon.
I would appreciate it if you woudl put my website on your blog roll http://www.silencednolonger.blogspot.com or website wwww.silencednolonger.com both of them have excellent resources for survivors, victims, and loved ones who want to understand about abuse issues also about PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and other Mental illnesses.
hi Lesley, thanks for adding this piece! What an excellent questions!
What scary symptoms or episodes have you experienced that gave you a clue that something was wrong with you? How long did it take you to seek help?
Would you be okay with me placing this as guest blog on front page? I would love to see
how people answer your questions.
Joanne
Anything I publish on your blog you have permission to do what you want to help educate the abused, survivors, etc.